Thursday 22 September 2011

The Second Campaigner Challenge!




Yes, the second challenge is up on Rachael Harries's blog  Rach Writes.., and I had to grab a dictionary to complete it!
Write a blog post in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should:
  • include the word "imago" in the title
  • include the following 4 random words: "miasma," "lacuna," "oscitate," "synchronicity,"
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional and included in the word count), make reference to a mirror in your post.
For those who want an even greater challenge (optional), make your post 200 words EXACTLY!

So here is my attempt, 200 words exactly (ignoring the title). Hope you enjoy it!

If you'd like my entry it would be great if you'd 'like' it!  I'm #20 on the list (likey list here!), if you leave a comment please let me know where to find your entry.

'Death of an Imago'

I find you there, sprawled on the couch. My couch. A miasma of stale cigarettes and beer hangs heavy in the air around you.

I fling the window open wide, wanting to clear the stench of your despair.

I can still see so clearly that picture in my head of you, the best father in the world.  The man I wanted to be when I grew up. What happened to him?

What did I miss? In what part of my memory is the lacuna that I never spotted? That fault line. That sliver of space which the evil part of life crept into, spreading all pervading gloom.

Is it coincidence that as I become a father, you become the child? Some weird synchronicity? But our lives always were in step weren’t they?

I look in the mirror and I see a younger you, but I don’t want to be you now. That dream is gone.

Who do you see Dad? A man to love, or a man to hate? A father, or a stranger? Does your future oscitate before you? Does some black chasm of nothing stare back?

You stir. I watch helpless. Oh Dad, I thought you were perfect.



** Click here to see the other great entries!**

45 comments:

  1. Hi Susie, I'm wondering what life events happened to the elder father to turn him into the person he became. Thought provoking;)

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  2. Excellent and evocative. Well done!

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  3. Oh, damn. I love this one.
    "A miasma of stale cigarettes and beer hangs heavy in the air around you."
    That line right there - gorgeous.
    Great piece. Well written.

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  4. Touching and sad, Susie. The emotions are conveyed so well. The son is torn between love of the man he knew, and disgust for what he sees now, seeing himself as the father was, fearful of becoming what the father now is.....
    Profound. ~ Nadja

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  5. How my heart yearns to know what events occurred, or if, perhaps, there were no events at all, just the kid's imago of a parent shattered when the blinders become unshuttered.

    Really makes me think. Very nice job.

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  6. Thanks for taking time to read my attempt, and the great comments. I really enjoyed this challenge - definitely not the easiest words to use!

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  7. Good job. It's hard to weave those words in there. I feel sorry for the son.

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  8. This was really well written, I love the pull of emotions from the speaker you can really sense the inner conflict

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  9. That's heartbreaking, wow! Mine is #29

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  10. I love the emotion in this piece! And your use of the words was flawless.

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  11. Curious. If only we knew the details of this man's pitfalls. Well written and flowed well with all those difficult words.

    Great job, Susie! :)

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  12. Deeply sad, but really well told.

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  13. the pedestal perfect imago is shattered...nicely done!

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  14. A very emotional piece! Wonder what happen to the father?

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  15. A true reflection of father's failure to meet up to son's expectation.

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  16. Very sad stuff. You got the challenge words in seamlessly. Great piece.
    Mine is #3

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  17. Very nice. You made working the words in seem effortless. *claps*

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  18. Great emotion in this. Nicely done!

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  19. Well done. I think that "oscitate" has proven to be the hardest of all of these words to use, based on the pieces I've read...

    Good use of emotion and inner monologue!

    If you're interested in checking my entry out, it's #42.

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  20. This was intense and emotional. Great job. And you used the challenge words seamlessly.

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  21. was there prerequ on the challenge for being sad? LOL Every entry I've read today has had me in tears! Great job here:)

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  22. Wow, you did a great job on that one. Fantastic!

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  23. Incredibly emotional. Hard to read because of the honesty in the MC voice. Good job!

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  24. Wow, Hauntingly beautiful! Made me want to cry, really!

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  25. This is very heartwrenching! Nicely done.

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  26. Powerful, powerful piece. Your use of imagery blows my mind. Very well done.

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  27. Very emotional and touching - so well done! I'm #34 and a new follower:)

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  28. I liked "A miasma of stale cigarettes and beer".

    It is sad when realize that your parents are what you thought as a child, that they are human with weaknesses.

    The Write Soil

    Mine is #50.

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  29. That was an emotional and beautifully written piece. It's funny how that shift happens. I remember viewing my mom differently when I became a mother myself. Good work!

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  30. Great job! You've got a new follower. ; )

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  31. Well done! Another new follower!

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  32. You took the theme and handled it perfectly! Great.

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  33. Oh wow, this is quite heartbreaking. Powerful writing, well done.

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  34. Thanks for all the great comments and new follows. The variety of entries is brilliant, I haven't managed to read many the last couple of days but will be back at it tomorrow hopefully :-)

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  35. I really liked this story and how the words were so nicely incorporated. It makes me feel that he feels and makes me think what might have happened. Mission accomplished. Well done! :)
    - andrea #108

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  36. Ooh very sad. Great use of the words and emotional writing from a male perspective. Thanks for commenting on mine (#133).

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  37. A thought provoking piece! Great use of the challenge words and I'm left wanting to know more. Brilliant.

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  38. Interesting meditation on a troubled relationship with the father. You worked in the challenge words well.

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  39. This was so powerful. Fantastic job. I felt so much for the narrator and the father alike. Great use of the challenge words!

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  40. This is one of the best entries I've read. Very poignant. Mine is #146 if you want to check it out.

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  41. On some entries, the words stand out. But the way you used them... those lines are my favorites. That's how effortlessly they seem to meld in with the rest. "Miasma of stale cigarettes... the lacuna/fault line..." Wonderfully written, brilliant take on a tough subject.

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  42. Ok now, you have gone and touched my hardened heart. Tears and more tears. This is an awesome story you have given us. Written down where we live. I...loved it!

    #188

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  43. I can taste the longing in your piece. Great job!

    #189

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  44. I loved this one! I can really feel the son's despair at how his father has changed.

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