Thursday, 22 September 2011

The Second Campaigner Challenge!





Yes, the second challenge is up on Rachael Harries's blog  Rach Writes.., and I had to grab a dictionary to complete it!
Write a blog post in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should:
  • include the word "imago" in the title
  • include the following 4 random words: "miasma," "lacuna," "oscitate," "synchronicity,"
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional and included in the word count), make reference to a mirror in your post.
For those who want an even greater challenge (optional), make your post 200 words EXACTLY!

So here is my attempt, 200 words exactly (ignoring the title). Hope you enjoy it!

If you'd like my entry it would be great if you'd 'like' it!  I'm #20 on the list (likey list here!), if you leave a comment please let me know where to find your entry.

'Death of an Imago'

I find you there, sprawled on the couch. My couch. A miasma of stale cigarettes and beer hangs heavy in the air around you.

I fling the window open wide, wanting to clear the stench of your despair.

I can still see so clearly that picture in my head of you, the best father in the world.  The man I wanted to be when I grew up. What happened to him?

What did I miss? In what part of my memory is the lacuna that I never spotted? That fault line. That sliver of space which the evil part of life crept into, spreading all pervading gloom.

Is it coincidence that as I become a father, you become the child? Some weird synchronicity? But our lives always were in step weren’t they?

I look in the mirror and I see a younger you, but I don’t want to be you now. That dream is gone.

Who do you see Dad? A man to love, or a man to hate? A father, or a stranger? Does your future oscitate before you? Does some black chasm of nothing stare back?

You stir. I watch helpless. Oh Dad, I thought you were perfect.



** Click here to see the other great entries!**
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45 comments:

  1. Anonymous22 September 2011 at 10:11

    Hi Susie, I'm wondering what life events happened to the elder father to turn him into the person he became. Thought provoking;)

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  2. Beth Stilborn22 September 2011 at 10:41

    Excellent and evocative. Well done!

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  3. K.T. Hanna22 September 2011 at 11:01

    Oh, damn. I love this one.
    "A miasma of stale cigarettes and beer hangs heavy in the air around you."
    That line right there - gorgeous.
    Great piece. Well written.

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  4. Nadja Notariani22 September 2011 at 12:59

    Touching and sad, Susie. The emotions are conveyed so well. The son is torn between love of the man he knew, and disgust for what he sees now, seeing himself as the father was, fearful of becoming what the father now is.....
    Profound. ~ Nadja

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  5. Angela Brown22 September 2011 at 13:04

    How my heart yearns to know what events occurred, or if, perhaps, there were no events at all, just the kid's imago of a parent shattered when the blinders become unshuttered.

    Really makes me think. Very nice job.

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  6. Unknown22 September 2011 at 13:13

    Thanks for taking time to read my attempt, and the great comments. I really enjoyed this challenge - definitely not the easiest words to use!

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  7. Miranda Hardy22 September 2011 at 14:06

    Good job. It's hard to weave those words in there. I feel sorry for the son.

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  8. A.J. Locke22 September 2011 at 14:24

    This was really well written, I love the pull of emotions from the speaker you can really sense the inner conflict

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  9. Anonymous22 September 2011 at 14:40

    That's heartbreaking, wow! Mine is #29

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  10. Angela Cothran22 September 2011 at 14:54

    I love the emotion in this piece! And your use of the words was flawless.

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  11. David P. King22 September 2011 at 15:05

    Curious. If only we knew the details of this man's pitfalls. Well written and flowed well with all those difficult words.

    Great job, Susie! :)

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  12. Kurt Hartwig22 September 2011 at 15:21

    Deeply sad, but really well told.

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  13. Tara Tyler22 September 2011 at 16:13

    the pedestal perfect imago is shattered...nicely done!

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  14. Anonymous22 September 2011 at 16:30

    A very emotional piece! Wonder what happen to the father?

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  15. Sheri L. Swift, Author22 September 2011 at 17:14

    A true reflection of father's failure to meet up to son's expectation.

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  16. Jen22 September 2011 at 17:21

    Very sad stuff. You got the challenge words in seamlessly. Great piece.
    Mine is #3

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  17. Melodie Wright22 September 2011 at 17:27

    Very nice. You made working the words in seem effortless. *claps*

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  18. Maeve Frazier22 September 2011 at 18:22

    Great emotion in this. Nicely done!

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  19. Lacey Devlin22 September 2011 at 20:32

    Well done, Susie.

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  20. Michael Haynes22 September 2011 at 20:43

    Well done. I think that "oscitate" has proven to be the hardest of all of these words to use, based on the pieces I've read...

    Good use of emotion and inner monologue!

    If you're interested in checking my entry out, it's #42.

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  21. Anonymous22 September 2011 at 22:38

    This was intense and emotional. Great job. And you used the challenge words seamlessly.

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  22. Creepy Query Girl23 September 2011 at 05:56

    was there prerequ on the challenge for being sad? LOL Every entry I've read today has had me in tears! Great job here:)

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  23. Talli Roland23 September 2011 at 06:46

    Wow, you did a great job on that one. Fantastic!

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  24. Heather23 September 2011 at 07:25

    Incredibly emotional. Hard to read because of the honesty in the MC voice. Good job!

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  25. Unknown23 September 2011 at 09:06

    Wow, Hauntingly beautiful! Made me want to cry, really!

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  26. Cortney Pearson23 September 2011 at 10:39

    This is very heartwrenching! Nicely done.

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  27. F.E. Sewell23 September 2011 at 10:51

    Powerful, powerful piece. Your use of imagery blows my mind. Very well done.

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  28. Gwen Gardner23 September 2011 at 11:32

    Very emotional and touching - so well done! I'm #34 and a new follower:)

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  29. Dawn M. Hamsher23 September 2011 at 17:42

    I liked "A miasma of stale cigarettes and beer".

    It is sad when realize that your parents are what you thought as a child, that they are human with weaknesses.

    The Write Soil

    Mine is #50.

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  30. Christine Rains23 September 2011 at 18:01

    That was an emotional and beautifully written piece. It's funny how that shift happens. I remember viewing my mom differently when I became a mother myself. Good work!

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  31. Zan Marie24 September 2011 at 05:31

    Great job! You've got a new follower. ; )

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  32. Nas25 September 2011 at 16:59

    Well done! Another new follower!

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  33. Myne25 September 2011 at 22:47

    You took the theme and handled it perfectly! Great.

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  34. Rebecca Emin26 September 2011 at 07:41

    Oh wow, this is quite heartbreaking. Powerful writing, well done.

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  35. Unknown26 September 2011 at 08:06

    Thanks for all the great comments and new follows. The variety of entries is brilliant, I haven't managed to read many the last couple of days but will be back at it tomorrow hopefully :-)

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  36. Anonymous26 September 2011 at 11:53

    I really liked this story and how the words were so nicely incorporated. It makes me feel that he feels and makes me think what might have happened. Mission accomplished. Well done! :)
    - andrea #108

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  37. Claire Hennessy27 September 2011 at 11:28

    Ooh very sad. Great use of the words and emotional writing from a male perspective. Thanks for commenting on mine (#133).

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  38. Anonymous27 September 2011 at 15:08

    A thought provoking piece! Great use of the challenge words and I'm left wanting to know more. Brilliant.

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  39. Catherine Stine27 September 2011 at 19:26

    Interesting meditation on a troubled relationship with the father. You worked in the challenge words well.

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  40. Elizabeth Varadan, Author28 September 2011 at 01:19

    This was so powerful. Fantastic job. I felt so much for the narrator and the father alike. Great use of the challenge words!

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  41. Barbara V. Evers29 September 2011 at 19:44

    This is one of the best entries I've read. Very poignant. Mine is #146 if you want to check it out.

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  42. Avery Marsh4 October 2011 at 06:35

    On some entries, the words stand out. But the way you used them... those lines are my favorites. That's how effortlessly they seem to meld in with the rest. "Miasma of stale cigarettes... the lacuna/fault line..." Wonderfully written, brilliant take on a tough subject.

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  43. the wild magnolia4 October 2011 at 08:33

    Ok now, you have gone and touched my hardened heart. Tears and more tears. This is an awesome story you have given us. Written down where we live. I...loved it!

    #188

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  44. Karen deBlieck4 October 2011 at 18:32

    I can taste the longing in your piece. Great job!

    #189

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  45. kjmckendry11 October 2011 at 18:01

    I loved this one! I can really feel the son's despair at how his father has changed.

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